Runnin'
by The High Warlock of Glitter
Summary: "I've been standing here my whole life, everything I've seen twice..." CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR COLS! Alec is not the only one miserable after the breakup. Magnus suffers from sadness too and cannot really find a place for himself anymore. It makes him mull over his past and future. Will he understand how important is Alec for him? Oneshot, placed after the City of Lost Souls.


**Hello, everyone!**

**It's not the new chapter for 'Seven Days' but I just felt like writing this story since I heard 'Runnin' by Adam Lambert for the first time. When I looked at lyrics, it was obvious for me that this song is about Magnus. So this fanfic had to happen.**

**I had a lot of conceptions how it could look like, a lot of settings (for example, I wanted it to be during COHF or before the whole TMI series, maybe after ID) but I felt the need to write some Malec hurt/comfort. So here it is :)**

**MAY CONTAIN SMALL SPOILERS FOR BANE CHRONICLES**

**I do not own the words in italics, they all belong to Adam Lambert and his studio.**

_**I recommend putting Runnin' by Adam Lambert (or - even better - the piano ver.) on repeat while reading :)  
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><p><em>Steel to my trembling lips,<em>

_How did the night ever get like this?_

He was lying on the couch and playing with a knife Alec has forgotten in his loft. That was the only thing the young Shadowhunter didn't take when he left. When Magnus threw him away from his life. Or at least, tried to.

It wasn't as easy as he thought though. His heart was bleeding every single time he thought about young Lightwood. He knew that he shouldn't be in pain. He was the one to end this relationship. He was the one to tell Alec that they are no longer together.

But now, sitting alone on the couch, he missed his pretty boy: his touch, his beautiful smile, his stunning eyes and that cute laughter.

Magnus looked through the window at the dark sky. He felt so cold and alone.

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><p><em>One shot and the whiskey goes down, down, down<em>

He took a bottle of whiskey from his liquor cabinet and didn't even bother about getting a glass. The pain of loneliness was too big to handle. It was too fast to just forget and move on.

He took the first sip, then the next… and the next… The sweet feeling of getting drunk and forgetting was his only relief in these days.

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><p><em>Bottom of the bottle hits<em>

_Waking up my mind as I throw a fit_

_The breakin' is takin' me down, down, down_

What had wokenMagnus up was the loud crash when the bottle fell off his hand and broke into pieces on the floor. At first, he didn't know what happened. Many pictures showed in his mind, giving him a headache: him, standing with Alec on the bridge and laughing because of Jace'a fear of the ducks; Alec carefully getting on his bed and falling asleep with the warlock in his arms for the first time; the dark corridor of subway and the pain in Alec's eyes when he broke up with him…

Now his heart was broken too.

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><p><em>My heart's beating faster, I know what I'm after.<em>

He heard the characteristic sound informing him that he got a text. He didn't have to check who it was from. Alec was sending him messages since their breakup and even if Magnus didn't respond, he still read every single one.

Each message was full of apologizing, sorrow and hope. He could almost hear Alec's voice while looking at his phone's screen. Every time Shadowhunter used words "I love you" in the messages, his heart was beating faster, just like the first time when his blue eyed boy whispered it before they fell asleep.

Why is it so difficult to stop thinking about him?

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><p><em>I've been standing here my whole life,<em>

_Everything I've seen twice, now it's time I realize_

His immortality was his worst nightmare. He got used to people's strange reactions when they saw his cat eyes or the absence of his bellybutton. He thought that he was even used to seeing his mortal friends die.

But when he thought about Alec and his death… He was sure it would be too much to bear. Sometimes when Lightwood was sleeping on his lap, Magnus thought about all the things he saw in his life. He thought that there wouldn't be anything new for him anymore but then that sweet boy appeared on his party and made his life go upside down.

"Stop thinking about him!" Magnus shouted and hid his head in hands. God, he missed his beautiful boy so much…

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><p><em>It's spinnin' back around now, on this road I'm crawling<em>

_Save me cause I'm falling, now I can't seem to breathe right_

He had similar feeling only once in his life – in 50', when Etta, his love, was about to die. They spent together a long time and he was really happy then. It wasn't a problem for him that she lost her beauty while growing older. He still loved her.

But he was able to go away before she died. He left her. He had to.

Magnus remembered holding Tessa in his arms when she was crying after her husband's death. She loved a mortal being immortal herself. It took her years to bounce back. But even then, she still wasn't the same girl he met on the ball where she was pretending to be Camille.

Camille… Another good and bad memories. The reason Alec did what he did. The mistress of intrigue and destroying Magnus's heart.

Magnus fell on his knees. It was too much for him: too many thoughts, too many memories. Too many faces of people he loved and who were no longer living in this world.

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><p><em>Cause I keep runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'<em>

_Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'_

_Runnin' from my heart._

He had never stayed in one place as long as he did in New York. He was a free soul, like a bird. Jumping from one place to another, taking part in the craziest events in history. He had a balloon flight with the queen Mary Antoinette and was a member of endless Clave meetings when they had been signing the Accords.

Staying in one place meant getting attached to it, getting attached to people, mostly mortal ones. Magnus wanted love but wasn't really looking for it, especially in the last century, after he met Tessa. Every time he saw someone who could mean more for him, he ran away, scared.

But Alec wasn't letting him go. He was the reason Magnus wanted to stay longer in New York, wanted to live every second of his immortal life in a special way, together with the hunter.

The warlock then realised that he feared his blue eyed boy much more than any demons or creatures he had ever met. He was afraid of what this innocent boy was doing with him, totally unaware of the influence he had on Magnus.

He had to break up with Alec, not because of the Shadowhunter's deal with Camille. It wasn't something unforgivable. Lightwood was young and totally unaware of how immortal life looked like. No, he had to break up with him because of his own fear to love him just like Tessa loved her husband. He feared that it would kill him. However, the thought of losing Alec now was even scarier. Every time he imagined Lightwood falling in love with someone else, marrying him… it was like a knife in his heart.

Suddenly, the loft became too hot and too small for him. Without more thinking, Magnus caught his robe, put on the high shoes and left to the cold, rainy night.

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><p><em>'Round and around I'd go, <em>

_Addicted to the numb living in the cold_

_The higher, the lower the down, down, down_

He was walking in the rain without an umbrella or a raincoat. He only set the collar of his coat up as the only way of fighting the cold.

It was late at night and his neighbourhood was almost empty. Only a few cars on the road, only a few people passing him, half of them drunk. It wasn't his first walk at this hour. Since the breakup, he spent most of his nights walking through the city, not being able to fall asleep alone.

Funny that only a couple of months with a mortal boy could make him so weak.

Streets in New York were never dark, except the times Magnus was so desperate that he magically turned the lights off. Sometimes darkness was easier to bear.

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><p><em>Sick of being tired and sick of waiting<em>

_For another kind of fix_

_The damage is damning me down, down, down_

He didn't want his life to be like this. He wanted to go back in time and throw parties for his cat just because he liked to. He wanted to have a new lover every night, without any consequence. Now he couldn't even look at any guy or girl without comparing them to Alec. And that comparison was never favourable for the hunter's rivals.

Alec Lightwood had officially broken him. But if it was about to look just like the times they spent together, Magnus wouldn't mind.

"Stop it, Bane. It won't help you," the warlock thought. "You're losing yourself in memories again."

He decided that the best way to spend this night would be going to some Downworlder's clubs, getting completely drunk and maybe even stoned. Yes, it would be perfect. Everything would be, if it helped him get rid of the blue eyed angel he had once met.

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><p><em>My heart's beating faster, I know what I'm after.<em>

Suddenly, his phone rang. It wasn't Alec's ringtone, though. Magnus picked up, feeling a bit sad. Did his Shadowhunter finally resign?

"Stop it, Bane. His not yours anymore," the warlock upbraided himself for these thoughts and finally answered the phone.

"Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn and…" he couldn't finish because someone broke into his sentence.

"Magnus! It's me, Isabelle!"

There was something in her voice that made Magnus froze. Something bad must had happened.

"Isabelle? What's wrong?" he asked, the fear in his heart growing every second.

"I-It's Alec… He got badly injured on our mission. H-he's bleeding…" The girl said with trembling voice.

"Where are you?" Bane was already running to the nearest subway station.

"Institute."

"I'll be there in a minute," he said and hanged up.

In that moment Magnus didn't care they weren't a couple anymore. His sweet boy was probably dying and he was the only one to bring him back to life.

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><p><em>I've been standing here my whole life,<em>

_Everything I've seen twice, now it's time I realize_

_It's spinning back around now, on this road I'm crawling_

_Save me cause I'm falling, now I can't seem to breathe right_

_Cause I keep runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'_

_Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'_

_Runnin' from my heart._

He was the first to jump off the subway and just a few seconds later he was on his way to the Institute.

When he reached the stairs of the former cathedral, Isabelle had been already waiting.

"He's in the infirmary," she whispered, closing the door after the warlock.

Magnus ran into the silent, white room where Jace was sitting on Alec's bed and carefully stroking his parabatai's black hair.

"Runes aren't working. You're the only one to help him. You better get him together, warlock," the blonde guy warned and left Magnus alone with the injured boy.

Alec looked almost the same as when Bane was healing him for the first time. Boy's dark hair was a total mess on the pillow; his hands were gripping the comforter tightly. Shadowhunters had already taken off his shirt, showing off the deep cut on his stomach.

"My beautiful angel… What have you done?" Magnus shook his head and put his hands on his former boyfriend's chest. Blue sparks of magic came from warlock's fingers to Alec's body.

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><p><em>Oh, I'm coming alive<em>

_Oh, I'll wake up now and live_

_Oh, I'm coming alive_

Few hours passed since Magnus started his treatment. Alec was no longer bleeding and was now sleeping, his breath and pulse both stable.

Bane was sitting on the chair next to the bed and was caressing Lightwood's hand. He hadn't felt that happy for a long time now. Everything was right in its place now.

Okay, maybe Alec could be doing something more than just sleeping in infirmary's bed. For example, sleeping under Magnus's golden comforter in the warlock's arms.

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><p><em>A life that's always been a dream<em>

_I'll wake up now and live_

He had a strand of hair on his face and Magnus lovingly brushed it away. Just then, the boy moved a bit and whispered:

"Magnus… Don't go…"

"I'm not going anywhere, sweet pea," warlock smiled when Alec suddenly opened his eyes and looked at the other man in disbelief.

"I-is it a dream?" Shadowhunter threw a short look at their hands and then again at warlock's face.

"No, it's not. You've been badly injured on the mission but I managed to heal your wounds."

"Oh… Thank you… Again, I guess," Alec whispered and blushed, looking away. For the second time Magnus almost forgot that they weren't together anymore.

"Well, if you don't need me, I'll go now," he said, standing up even if his heart was shouting to stay and kiss those rosy lips of a hunter.

"Don't go," Alec said silently when Magnus was almost reaching infirmary's door. Warlock turned around to look at his patient. "I-I know I made a mistake and you probably hate me now… But I cannot live like this. It's so hard without you… Please, will you forgive me?"

Magnus came closer to Alec's bed and took his hand again.

"You would never guess how much I missed you for the past days. Of course I've forgotten you. I love you, Alec. I would never be able to hate you."

Lightwood's eyes shined, full of hope.

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><p><em>I've been standing here my whole life,<em>

_My heart's beating faster, I know what I'm after._

"You're not the only one to make mistakes, Alec. I was wrong too. I shouldn't expect you to love the person who has so many secrets. I shouldn't have hidden everything from you. You deserve to know the truth. So… I'm ready to tell you anything you want to know. Of course, if you are still interested."

"Magnus… Let's just start again," Alec smiled and blushed, when Magnus kissed the top of his hand.

Warlock's heart was so light now. He lied down next to his hunter on the bed and hugged him tightly, aware of the injuries.

"Aku cinta kamu, Alexander," he whispered in Indonesian, like every time he wanted to say something important for him.

"I love you too, Magnus," Alec said and they kissed. And it was a kiss full of hope, forgiveness and love.

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><p><em>I've been standing here my whole life,<em>

_Everything I've seen twice, now it's time I realize_

_It's spinning back around now, on this road I'm crawling_

_Save me cause I'm falling, now I can't seem to breathe right_

_Cause I keep runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'_

_Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin'_

_Runnin' from my heart._

Magnus smiled, holding the sleeping boy in his arms. Even if Alec was supposed to be the patient, Bane knew that this night, he was the one to be saved by the hunter.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Review and fav if you enjoyed :)<strong>


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